Double Edged Sword
by Lady Arreya
Summary: Inspired by the season finale, "Reckoning." She trusted him with her life. Could she trust him with her heart? Richard/Kahlan. AU.


Title: Double-Edged Sword  
Rating: T  
Summary: Inspired by the season finale, "Reckoning." She trusted him with her life. Could she trust him with her heart? Richard/Kahlan. AU.

A/N: I was absolutely convinced after "Reckoning" that Richard would be immune to Kahlan's powers, but apparently the show's writers don't agree. Oh, well.

M-rated sequel to follow eventually. ;)

* * *

_"We can be together now."_

His words echoed in her ears.

The ordeal was finally over. Richard had defeated Darken Rahl and fulfilled the prophecy.

And now they could finally be together without having to worry about her powers destroying him. She'd Confessed him, but the combination of the touch of a Confessor with the power of Orden had resulted in him becoming immune to enslavement to either.

Now she had to decide if she really wanted to be with him.

Of course she _wanted_ to be with him…

But if he chose of his own free will to be with her, he could also choose to leave her at any time. He could stop loving her. He could abandon her.

And she didn't know if she could bear that.

It was not something she'd ever worried about before. She'd never even considered the possibility of having a mate who was not under Confession to her. She'd taken it for granted that once she'd found a man worthy of being her mate, he'd be hers forever.

One never had to worry about rejection as a Confessor. It really was "til death do us part." Or until you decided you didn't want him anymore. Then you could send him away, and he'd have to obey. But he'd still always love you. Until your death or his freed him.

Was that really love, though? It seemed like nothing more than obsession. The fanatical devotion the Confessed showed their mistress… was that love?

She'd Confessed many – men and women alike – and the guilt haunted her at times. They had no choice but to love her. The magic compelled them to do her bidding. It forced them to love her.

Or whatever it was.

That was the dilemma every Confessor faced. If you loved a man but knew that being with him would enslave him to you, how could you Confess him? It would destroy him and leave only a shell of the person he had once been.

How could she do that someone she loved? She couldn't be that selfish.

She had long ago accepted that she would never be able to be with the man she truly loved.

That was why most Confessors were very practical when it came to choosing a mate. Her sister Dennee had chosen Finn because he was strong and would protect her and their child. She hadn't chosen him out of love. He had been an assassin sent to kill her, and she'd Confessed him to save her own life.

What kind of marriage was that?

Kahlan supposed it was possible for love to develop afterwards, regardless of the circumstances that brought you together, but it seemed very strange. Dennee seemed to have genuine affection for Finn, and Kahlan couldn't really blame her. Being loved by a Confessed man was compelling, after all. The undying devotion they professed was flattering, and Confessors were not immune to that. But Finn only remained loyal to Dennee because she'd Confessed him. If she hadn't, he'd have killed her with no remorse, no regret, no compunction.

And Lara, the Confessor who'd confessed an entire village… Kahlan didn't quite know what to make of that either. Her mate Raph had remained loyal to her, even after her death had released him from the Confessor's spell, so Kahlan could only conclude that he must have already loved Lara before she'd Confessed him.

But that was the only way to know for sure whether a Confessed man had really loved you or not, and Kahlan didn't relish that.

Besides, she didn't need to die in order to be sure of Richard's love for her. She could feel it radiating from him, just as surely as she could feel the magic emanating from the Sword of Truth.

Sometimes she hated her powers. She'd seen too many Confessors abuse their magic. It was too easy to become corrupted. In her darkest moments, she wondered if they were just as bad as Darken Rahl. He used magic to enslave people, all the while proclaiming that it was for their own good. That he was doing what was best for them. Wasn't that what they were doing when they Confessed people? It sounded uncomfortably familiar. What made them any better at deciding what the greater good should be?

She did her best to do what she felt was right, but she often had doubts.

She felt so burdened. What would it be like to be normal? To not be a Confessor?

But if she weren't a Confessor, she never would have met Richard. She could never regret that. He had changed her life irrevocably, but for the better.

She loved him so much. Sometimes she felt like she was enslaved to him. She knew that was ridiculous, of course.

But how else could any mere man hold such power over her, the Mother Confessor?

Then again, Richard was no mere man. He was the Seeker of Truth. Who knew what other powers he possessed? He'd certainly been full of surprises so far.

She'd had a taste of what it would be like to be Confessed when he'd possessed the power of Orden before. Or rather, when the power of Orden had possessed him. The evil magic had overtaken him, and she'd followed his every order like a mindless puppet.

She'd often wondered what it must be like for the Confessed. And now that she knew, she never wanted to go through that again.

It wasn't fair to subject anyone to that, especially not the man she loved.

And yet, there was a certain comfort to knowing that your mate could never leave you of his own free will. It was reassuring.

She wouldn't have that if she were with Richard. He could come and go as he pleased, love her or leave her as he chose. She would never be his mistress, his purpose. He would never be hers to command.

It made her vulnerable, and she didn't like feeling that way. She wasn't used to it.

She felt uneasy, and she wanted to retreat. She almost wished she could go back in time, before she'd Confessed him. It was easier not to have to make the choice. She'd had to maintain distance, and she'd been strong enough to do that so long as she knew she had to… but what now?

She trusted him with her life. Could she trust him with her heart?

She did trust him. He was the Seeker, after all. He was no ordinary man. He was sought after and loved by many.

But what if he'd only wanted her because he couldn't have her? And now that he could have her… Would he still want her after he had? Or would the novelty quickly wear off?

She was well aware that the fire of forbidden love burned intensely, and that it might fade to embers if it were no longer forbidden.

What if he found her lacking? What if he only thought he loved her?

He might love her now, but she'd seen too many people fall out of love. They became disillusioned after a time.

They were young yet. What if a lifetime together served only to tear them apart?

No… In the short time they'd known each other, they'd only grown closer every day, she reminded herself.

Just because they could be together didn't mean they had to be. She could still take the safe route, choose an ordinary man to be her mate. One who would remain loyal always, who would never leave her. Unless she wanted him to.

But why would she want an ordinary man, when she could have the Seeker? The man who loved her… and who she loved above all else.

She could choose to remain alone, as had been her plan…

But she knew Richard wouldn't let it go. Now that he'd found a way for them to be together… he wanted to be with her.

How could she say no to him, when they'd waited, tormented, for so long? They'd loved each other all this time but had never been able to give in to it. She wouldn't be able to resist him. The only thing that had kept them apart was the knowledge that it would jeopardize everything they were fighting so hard for.

She couldn't bear to hurt him. And now the only thing that would hurt him was denying him what he'd been wanting all this time…

Her.

(To be continued in Chapter 2…)


End file.
